Filed under: Programming, Celebrities, Reality-Free

Our Monday morning roundup of a half dozen things TV Squad readers - and TV fans in general - will be talking about this week.

1. Season Premieres. Prison Break (tonight at 8pm on FOX), Gossip Girl (tonight at 8pm on The CW), One Tree Hill (tonight at 9pm on The CW), The Shield (Tuesday at 10pm on FX), Bones (Wednesday at 8pm on FOX), America’s Next Top Model (Wednesday at 8pm on The CW), Top Design (Wednesday at 10pm on Bravo), Kitchen Nightmares (Thursday at 8 on FOX), Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? (Friday at 8pm on FOX), Cops (Saturday at 8pm on FOX), Football Night in America and Sunday Night Football (Sunday at 7pm on NBC), and Entourage (Sunday at 10pm on HBO).

2. Series Premieres. Raising The Bar (tonight at 10pm on TNT), 90210 (Tuesday at 8pm on The CW), Privileged (Tuesday at 9pm on The CW), Sons of Anarchy (Wednesday at 10pm on FX), Hole in the Wall (Sunday at 8 on FOX), and True Blood (Sunday at 9pm on HBO.)

3. Republican National Convention. Important for the usual reasons, but also because Hurricane Gustav might affect what goes on at the convention and who shows up. (All week on the cable news channels and CSPAN and Monday-Thursday at 10pm on the networks.)

4. Stand Up To Cancer. ABC, CBS, and NBC (though not FOX or The CW) join forces on one night to raise money. (Friday at 8pm.)

5. Swingtown season finale. Or is that the series finale? (Friday at 10pm on CBS)

6. U.S. Open Finals. Will it be Federer vs. Nadal again? We know it won’t be a Williams/Williams women’s final because they’re in the same half. (Women’s Final: Saturday at 8pm on CBS. Men’s Final: Sunday at 4pm - or whenever football gets over - on CBS.)

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Filed under: Late Night, TV Royalty, Programming, Celebrities, Talk Show, Reality-Free

Here’s who’s on the late night talk shows tonight.

• Charlie Rose: coverage of the Republican National Convention
• The Late Show with David Letterman: Penelope Cruz, Danny Way, and Randy Newman (repeat)
• Jay Leno: Jack Black, Caroline Gurtz, and Conor Oberst (repeat)
• Jimmy Kimmel Live: Don Rickles and The Game (repeat)
• Tavis Smiley: coverage of the RNC
• Late Night with Conan O’Brien: Steve Carell, Alyson Hannigan, and Duffy (repeat)
• The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Jonathan Winters, Julie Bowen, and Priscilla Ahn
• Last Call with Carson Daly: John Cho, Dean Edwards, and Your Vegas (another freakin’ repeat)

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These celebrities were born on September 5:

Raquel Welch is 68.
Bob Newhart is 79.
William Devane is 69.
Michael Keaton is 57.

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Keira Knightley has topped a poll of perfect pouts.

The “The Duchess” star beat “Wanted” actress Angelina Jolie to the number one spot in a public survey by lip care company Blistex.

Keira, 23, has previously said she doesn’t think her pursed lips are attractive, claiming it makes her look like she is having trouble with her bowel movements.

She said: “I don’t pout to be sexy. I do it when I’m concentrating. I think it makes me look constipated.”

Pop princess Kylie Minogue took third place in the poll of 3,000 women.

The worst pout slot went to British actress Leslie Ash, who suffered an allergic reaction to collagen injection.

She was closely followed by troubled singer Amy Winehouse and British glamor model Jodie Marsh.

Keira has recently claimed she would be terrified if she had to give an Oscar acceptance speech.

She said: “I would probably s**t myself if I had to give a speech.”

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Filed under: Comedy, Casting

The first Demoted wave came in the form of Michael Vartan and David Cross. Both had signed onto the comedy that focuses on a jerky tire sales associate (Vartan) who torments his less-cool colleague (Cross) — until the downtrodden gets promoted and gives the cool guy a taste of his own medicine. But it looks like Vartan isn’t going to be the only jerky one; he’s going to revel in the jerkitude with one of our beloved Goonies members.

The Hollywood Reporter posts that Sean Astin will team up with Vartan on the Cross torment, and also be demoted to secretary when Cross gets his revenge. Meanwhile, Sara Foster (D.E.B.S.) is signing on to play Astin’s wife, “who’s tricked into believing he was promoted,” while Celia Weston (Dead Man Walking) will pop up as the head secretary. As such, she “inspires the best friends to plot their revenge.” So, who will come out on top? Astin and Vartan? Cross? Foster?

Production begins this September in Michigan.

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Unwed mom, Jamie Lynn Spears, has sent a baby gift to Bristol Palin, the GOP VP nominee’s knocked-up daughter.

According to a source that works at the baby store, Petit Tresor, “It was ordered by phone, and they asked what could be done for under $100. They spent $60 on pink burp cloths.”  The cloths were embroidered with skull and cross bones images as well as “Love”, “Yummy”, “Babe” and “Loved”.

A note was included: “Dear Bristol, Hang in there! XXOO, Jamie Lynn Spears.”

This is just what Bristol needs, some white trash bonding!

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Miley Cyrus has splashed out on a $75,000 car for her 16th birthday.

“Hannah Montana” star - who reportedly earned $18.2 million last year - is treating herself to a “fully loaded” white convertible Mercedes Benz to mark the milestone on November 23.

A source said: “Miley wanted special options like parking assist and a cream-colored leather interior, so she ordered the car early.”

“She is telling everyone that she hopes to get a car when she turns 16, so when it comes, she can say it was a surprise from her parents.”

Miley - the daughter of country singer Billy Ray Cyrus - recently revealed she wanted a “bad” car to celebrate turning 16.

She said: “I definitely want to get something bad on the road, big enough for all my friends and to scare all the cars away from me. I’m a good driver but it’s everyone else that I’m worried about!”

Miley is set to celebrate her birthday at Disneyland, California, and is selling $250 tickets for the bash to raise money for Youth Service America.

Meanwhile, it has been claimed “7 Things” - which appears on Miley’s current album “Breakout” - was written about her split from Jonas Brothers singer Nick Jonas.

The catchy track, which features the young star detailing the seven things she hates about an unnamed ex-boyfriend, includes the lyrics, “Your friends, they’re jerks/When you act like them, just know it hurts.”

Miley parted ways with Nick in 2007 after two years together.

Earlier this year, 15-year-old Nick insisted the song wasn’t about him, saying: “My friends aren’t jerks.”

However, Brett Ratner - who directed the video for “7 Things” - revealed the necklace Miley wears in the video was given to her by the boy she sings about.

He said: “She is wearing his diabetes or medical necklace. You can tell by the lyrics that they’re very personal. The stuff she talks about in the video is clever and emotional and fun at the same time.”

Nick has Type 1 diabetes and campaigns to raise awareness about the disease.

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Filed under: Sci-Fi & Fantasy, Casting

Good lord, Tim Roth is doing a lot of morphing lately. He de-aged himself in Youth Without Youth, became a weird ol’ monster in The Incredible Hulk, and now he’s getting his wings.

Variety reports that Roth is taking the title role in Skellig — a UK production that will hit television screens next spring before getting a theatrical release. Based on the novel by David Almond, Skellig focuses on a boy in northern England who makes a surprising discovery. His parents have just bought a rundown house, and while investigating the shed out back, he finds a man/creature lying in the darkness who he decides to help. “Feeding him Chinese food and beer, the boy nurses the creature, who possesses magical powers, back to health.”

It definitely sounds like an interesting story (read more about it here), and it’s hard not to get intrigued at the thought of Roth as an angel, alongside the likes of Kelly MacDonald, Bill Milner (the cutie from Son of Rambow), and John Simm. The film has just started shooting in Cardiff.

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Filed under: Sports, OpEd, Lost, Saturday Night Live, Entourage, Celebrities, Heroes, NCIS, Casting, Reality-Free

Annie posted earlier today about Michael Phelps‘ upcoming hosting duties on Saturday Night Live. The Olympic swimming champ isn’t wasting any time capitalizing on his stardom, because now he’s also landed a cameo on HBO’s Entourage.

According to the World Entertainment News Network, the eight-time gold medal winner will appear as himself in an upcoming episode of the buddy-series, which begins its fifth season on Sept. 7.

Phelps certainly must have some good people working with him, because in addition to hosting SNL, he’ll be among the presenters at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sept. 7.

Continue reading Michael Phelps set to cameo on Entourage

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Beyonce tells the Marie Claire UK Magazine that she’s over being a pop star.  Yeah…so are we.

Beyonce says: “There is a time limit on being a pop star, yes. Being a legend, an icon? Absolutely not. I’m over being a pop star. I don’t wanna be a hot girl. I wanna be iconic. And I feel like I’ve accomplished a lot. I feel like I’m highly respected, which is more important than any award or any amount of records. And I feel like there comes a point when being a pop star is not enough.”

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