Computer issues being worked on. In the meantime, here is YouTube musician number 2, Cliff plays Guitar (hero).
It’s like…he’s got spiders for hands.
Archive for the Humor CategorySo! My computer has magically transformed into an expensive brick. I’m on a computer that doesn’t belong to me right now, so I’m afraid the last chapters of SNTC’s guide to summer are on a temporary break as I’ve no time to assemble them. Instead, I’ll be picking on random YouTube musicians and spotlighting them, for your viewing pleasure. No, this is not becoming a video blog after all. I just need to find myself an internet to call my own. Somewhere… Anyhow, spotlighted YouTube musician #1 - Dustin plays drums (I think he’s getting better) Thumbs up. SNTC is back again with it’s special Guide to Summer… Animals! There are all kinds of animals around in the summer! They walk, they crawl, they fly! Here are only a very few creatures you might come across in your summer adventures…
Hi there! I’m a raccoon. I eat everything. I like to tip over your garbage cans at night and eat your pets’ food. I look adorable to you until you realize I just completely ruined your garden and injured your cat. I wash my hands before I eat, but I’ll always leave tiny little handprints all over whatever means most to you. Sweet! Birds!
Sure there are birds in winter, but those birds are LAME. Summer birds have all the fun, from the red-wing blackbirds to swoop at your head to the bluejay that sounds like it’s angry and has a sore throat all the time to the robins that are actually pretty chill most of the time. Now the land is flooded with birds, singing in the morning, pooping on your car, and fighting with each other for your birdseed. Woohoo! You can go birdwatching now, in the summer. You can learn all the different songs of all the different birds and then lie awake at night, unable to stop yourself from picking out the songs, unable to stop yourself from naming them all, unable to stop hearing, and the clock ticks on and on, and on. Radical! Squirrels
Hey! We’re squirrels. Some kinds of squirrels hibernate all winter, but regardless of whether we’re around all year, the summer is when we get to really party. Remember the potted plants you took such agonizing care of all through the cold months to display on your porch? It’s gonna be kicking rad when we tear them to bits looking for acorns we couldn’t possibly have buried there. We’re cute and twitchy and we have big fluffy tails! All right! Skunks
Hello world! The skunks have awakened and are out and about in the summer. Don’t worry if you never see a skunk in the wild this summer, or any summer. It’s a well-documented fact that skunks only exist to die, unwitnessed, by the roadside and smell terrible for months afterward, even after the animal itself is missing. Fist pump! There are so many animals in the summer, they’re impossible to name in just one post! Go crazy looking for more animals! Summer is ripe with creatures for your eyes to pluck from the green scenery! I have no idea what I’m saying! Thought I’d interrupt the SNTC guide to summer today for a brief link: A looong time ago, someone thought it’d be a great idea to remove all the speech bubbles from the title character of the Garfield comic strip. I don’t know who first thought of this, but the results were hilarious. More hilarious, in fact, than any actual Garfield strip has ever been, ever. I mean honestly. With that goldmine of joy all but used up, Garfield Minus Garfield takes it one step further. What if the character Garfield the cat were removed from his strip altogether? That would leave only Jon. Jon, and one of the saddest, funniest, and strangest glimpses into the mind of a lonely madman…
This site is definitely worth adding to your list of daily reads. Chapter 3 is on its way, I promise. It’s just been a hot busy week. In the meantime, I thought you’d enjoy a clip from a kid enjoying his local fair… I love the newswoman’s reaction best. “Al…right!” Chapter 2: Fish! You can fish in the summer! Fish may not be delicious to everyone, but they always are if you catch them yourself. That tasty flavor is not fish, it’s pride. All you need is a pole, some fishing line, a hook, some bait, maybe a bobber…probably a net, and something to string the fish up, and a bucket…maybe a cooler. Probably you’ll want some snacks too. And drinks, definitely. Hand sanitizer too. Pliers. Scissors. A stomach of steel. One of summer’s simplest joys! Here are a few fish you might find in the summer! 1. Catfish! Hi! I’m a catfish! Oh hey, a hook, let’s swallow it as deep as possible because my lips are thicker than any fish’s should be, and it’d go down easy I think. Also I like to hurt people. And hey check out my creepy slimy worm skin. And my whiskers aren’t hair they’re just extensions of me; they have nerves and everything. Also i eat poop. Actually, I’m kind of a despicable fish. 2. Bluegill! Hello! I’m small and cute and my belly is yellow. I’m not that hard to catch so you think it’ll be fun reeling me in and then you realize the second I hit the ground I’m completely covered in spiky horrible fins that cut you. Also, since I’m a fish and therefore filthy, look forward to that cut getting infected! Woohoo! 3. Crappie Yeah with a name like that I really don’t beat around the bush. There are hundreds of fish out there waiting to be caught some fine summer evening! Go wild! Did you know that while goldfish crackers are delicious, actual goldfish are pretty terrible for eating? Now you know! Well summer is about halfway finished, and if you’re like me, you feel like you’re letting it slip by, working nine hour shifts in an unairconditioned factory and praying every night for the world to ban boats and boat parts and factories that package them. But do not let the rest of this wonderful season pass you by! Here at SNTC headquarters, we want you to enjoy your time to the fullest, especially these sweet summer days, and so here are some notable attractions for you to notice and appreciate this season. Chapter 1: Berries! Berries! Berries are delicious fruit. They grow and ripen in the summer! Did you know berries actually do not grow in little perforated plastic containers in your grocer’s fruit section? They grow outdoors! In summer! Here are a few of the most enjoyable berries you may come across this summer… Strawberries Hi! We are strawberries! We grow low to the ground on vines. Our seeds are on the outside, so you can’t tell if you’re biting into a delicious clean fruit, or a terrible abomination covered in tiny bugs. It looks the same! Woohoo! In the wild, we are sweet and tart and an adventure! In the market, we’re mostly bruised and the ones on the bottom are probably fuzzy and smell bad. Terrific! Blackberries We are blackberries! We grow on tall bushes that are conveniently covered in terrible thorns, in areas where there are plenty of trees to block any wind! Nice and hot and stagnant air, perfect for summer berrypicking! Oh yeah! All the best, biggest, juiciest blackberries grow at the very top, where you have to impale yourself thousands of times to reach us. Hope you don’t like skin on your arms as much as you enjoy tiny berry clusters filled with tough little seeds. Our seeds are just small enough to get permanently wedged in your molars! Hooray! Mulberries We grow on super tall trees! We are strange and sweet and alluring. We stain everything we touch, and attract every brand of bug and bird (watch what you’re eating)! Party time! Also, heaven help the poor sap who decides to park his car under a mulberry tree! The birds’ poop is pink, man! Fantastic! Raspberries Eh, we’re okay I guess. There are MANY kinds of berries out in the summer wilderness for you to investigate! Do not let these days slip by - SNTC says: summer is AWESOME. So I had something in mind to post today, but it must be postponed for this. Essentially, a young woman feels a vibrating sensation under her clothes all day but ignores it as her cell phone. After about five hours though, she has a look and discovers a tiny sleeping bat nestled in her bosom.
The bat was gently removed and set free, and I am completely confused. I mean, I can understand the movement being confusing. It’s not one’s first instinct to conclude an animal must be crawling around in one’s clothes - cell phone seemed a pretty rational reasoning there. But…bats are mammals, right? They produce heat? How do you not notice a tiny little heater in your clothes? But however it happened, this might be one of the first bats to reach second base. Aaaaaannnnd good night. Hey, American readers: happy belated Independence Day. I’ve been gone all this time on vacation to a land without internet, and so I’m sorry for the dead air around here. I’m still recuperating from the trip and car troubles, but in case any of you have some leftover fireworks and a lazy friend, here’s an idea for how to use them most efficiently: A firework alarm clock. I think I could sleep through that. By the way, don’t actually try that. And you all are heartless. Your favorite “A thing walks into a place” joke was: So a baby seal walks into a club… Congratulations, Cheeseduck on your horrifying joke!
In second place was Pancake’s: So a blind guy walks into a bookstore, picks up his guide dog by the hind legs, and begins swinging him around in circles. The store clerk runs up to him and shouts “What are you doing?!” The blind guy says “Just having a look around.” Congratulations. What is with you guys and animal abuse? But I’m glad you all enjoyed yourselves and submitted some new (and some old) favorites to share. Next time someone starts an old tired chestnut, you now have a newly loaded arsenal to try out. |
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